We had just moved to Central Park West from the projects, a neighborhood in Manhattan that is considered good and we had "moved up." Grant it, it was a one bedroom for my mother, two sisters, a cousin and the occasional presence of my sister's father but we lived right across the street from the park with a beautiful view and we had a doorman! My mother tried to sell the idea of living there to us but I could tell she was still weary of us being there by her comments and probably people's attitudes. There weren't many "brown" folks and sometimes people did not ride the elevators with us.
One warm day my cousin, Whole Sister and I asked my grandmother if we could go across the street (in direct view via the living room window where she could see us) to jump rope. My cousin and I were around 11 and my sister was 7 or 8. Whenever we jumped rope we attracted European tourists who would ask us to teach them how to jump double dutch, or just curious onlookers who smiled. We usually obliged, at the risk of being impolite even though looking back, they were adults who probably should've been talking to children. But on this particular day, an older man was sitting in his car watching us. I remember he was a white guy, had white hair and glasses with a friendly face. He was making a fuss, muttering to himself about needing help. My cousin and I looked at each other and didn't say much, but we felt something off and casually inched away from him. He then directed his mutterings at us. I lost my puppy, he said. Can you help me find him? My cousin and I shook our head no without looking directly at him. Whole Sister whispered to us, He needs help finding his puppy, as if we didn't hear him. We ignored her and tried to continue with our jump rope game.
One, two, three, up the ladder! Four, five, six, up the ladder!
My puppy, the man insisted. I can't find him. Could you help me? He's so cute...
At this point the man was coming closer. My cousin and I gave each other a warning look, that mean we for some reason we could not play jump rope any longer. Suddenly, I spotted the doorman Mr. J across the street emerging from the building. I took it as the cue to go and said something to my cousin and sister about wanting to go back inside because I was hungry. We went across the street and Mr. J greeted us cheerfully and we went back inside.
My cousin and I never really discussed this incident, although we did refer to living at CPW for barely a year as "odd." In fact, I didn't even really remember this incident until a couple of months ago when I was riding a crowded train and witnessed a grown man getting into a full discussion with a child for no reason. The girl got on the train with her grandmother, father and sister and couldn't have been any older then 8. She was sitting next to me because it was crowded--her grandmother and sister were across the aisle and her father was sitting elsewhere. The grandmother could no longer see the girl and suddenly a man was sitting next to her--again an older, friendly-faced white male who was in the company of a wife or something, decided to strike up a conversation with her. The girl was being friendly in answering the man who was asking her about what grade she was in and what her favorite thing to do was. All of this I thought was inappropriate and I became enraged. I tried to see if I could meet eyes with the grandmother or father to somehow alarm them but the train was too crowded. And I couldn't believe that the woman companion thought that it was okay that he carried on a conversation with the child.
A week or so before that when I was still working with the school, we had taken the kids on a trip to New Roc City. I was at the back of the line, going up the escalator and holding a child's hand. A man was standing in back of us, suddenly thought it was okay to ask the child what school the group was from. The girl looked at me when answering him, as if she didn't know if it was okay. The guy then continued to ask questions to the girl, a fourth grader and before she could answer him anymore I ushered her in front of me and turned to the man to give him a dirty look. Why on earth would he address a child with an adult standing right there? I was tempted to yell at him and thinking back now I still feel like I should've.
I've never liked strangers talking to children, asking them questions especially when adults are present. I just don't think it's appropriate whether the adult has "ulterior motives" or not. Whenever I see it I get angry and wonder if I'm missing something and folks think that it's okay...
I don't know if this is inappropriate, but it is odd. The man with the puppy was suspicious though you were right to escape him.
ReplyDeleteNot so sure that it's odd especially since he was with a woman and the child was with adults.
ReplyDeleteI work with a lot of senior citizens and some of them never had children and don't have any nieces or nephews. For some of them, when they see a child they are in awe.
It would be a cold and lonely day for no one to have a conversation with someone because she/he is a child.
But yea, old man crying about his puppy? That's a kidnapper.
@Chez Cerise: the child was separated from the adults she was with and the man on the train I don't think was a senior citizen. He looked late 40s to me. I've volunteered with senior citizens as well and I know how they are with children, but I don't agree with kids talking to strangers for no reason.
ReplyDeleteand yeah man with the whole puppy thing...sooo weird.
Would you be as concerned if the adults striking up conversations with little ones were females? I have a tendency to comment to parents about their children and very often wind up in conversations with munchkins. Sometimes I'm accompanied by my 3 year old, sometimes I'm not. I think its sweet when adults strike up conversations with Johari. Now if a child is or seems to be unattended the only thing you should be asking is where their parent or guardian is so those guys on the train and the little girl sitting away from her family were a bit peculiar but even then, I don't feel strongly that they were "inappropriate". The dog dude though? #definitecreep
ReplyDelete@Tajh you're stating my point. You strike up convo with the ADULTS and end up talking to kids. Not just randomly talking to kids and I would get annoyed if it were females too. I think everyone feels like oh we should be able to talk to whomever we want while missing the fact that they are talking to children who are either ALONE (train, her family could NOT be seen, I only knew where her family was because I saw her get on the train with them, they were separated) or standing with an adult and pretending they dont have to address the adult first.
ReplyDelete